Living Your Truth and Embracing Who You Are with Megs Pulvermacher

Have you accepted yourself for who you are and started living your truth? It’s not an easy journey to walk through. In today’s episode, Megs Pulvermacher joins us to share her own journey to living her truth and embracing who she is. Listen in as she walks us through how she handled coming out to her family, the internal battle she faced accepting that she was queer, and how she had to forgive herself before she truly embraced herself.

This is Season 1 Episode 5 of Here’s the Tea with Akua

Here’s the Tea with Akua is a safe space to learn about hot topics, gain a new perspective and have a greater understanding of the people around us. You’ll hear amazing stories of everyday people like you and me. They’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. As we discuss topics such as race, relationships, mental health, and how to just figure out the thing called life, we’d love to have you subscribe on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or your favorite podcast player!

Meet Megs:

Megs Pulvermacher (she/her) is a Minneapolis-based LGBTQ+ community builder, speaker, and podcaster. As the creator of the Queer Impact Collective, an international online community for queer-identifying entrepreneurs, creatives, and changemakers, and host of the Out, What Now?! podcast, she uses her fun, high energy personality, and love for creating connections, to amplify queer voices and empower queer missions all over the world!

Important Parts of the Conversation:

Get to Know Megs (2:01)

Becoming Megs, Battling Her Sexuality, and Understanding Religion (4:48)

The Challenges in Coming Out (11:56)

Working with a Life Coach (17:15)

Navigating Judgements and Haters (20:33)

Visibility in the Queer Community (25:52)

Encouragement (31:01)

Connect with Megs:

@megstheconnector

@outwhatnowpodcast

megsthebrand.com/queer-collective

Review the Transcript:

Akua Konadu
Welcome to here’s the tea with Akua. That’s me, and this is a place where we have candid conversations about various hot topics. Each week, you’ll be hearing some amazing stories of everyday people like you and me. There’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. I believe that our stories are powerful, and when shared, they can change not only our perspectives, but also our lives. No topic is off limits. So have a seat and get ready because we are going to be making uncomfortable conversations comfortable.

Akua Konadu
Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of here’s the T with Akua. And I am like is every episode I’m looking forward to this conversation because I feel like it’s something that is just so important and just so necessary and help us to just really navigate life. So I am joined today with my friend Megs Pulvermacher. I love saying that. I’m here today with my friend Megs who is an amazing, amazing community builder. And she’s going to be talking with us today of just how we can really embrace who we are and live in our truth. And I that’s something that I always really admired about her when I met her years ago is that she is just super confident. Really doesn’t give a fuck. Like she truly she’s pretty badass and really just shows up as who she is. And either you accept it. And if you don’t like that’s cool, she’s not losing sleep over it. So anyways, hello Megs How are ya?

Megs Pulvermacher
Hello, I am so excited to be here and bring the energy have some fun and talk about all the good stuff because should be pretty easy one if it’s just about me being me and loving being me. So yes,

Akua Konadu
oh, I know, I’m looking forward to this, this is going to be a really, really good talk. And so for people who don’t know, you introduce yourself, share with us who you are, how you show up in the world?

Megs Pulvermacher
Well, I am most commonly known these days, I would say as Megs the connector. And there are a couple kind of key pieces that I think rise right to the top for people when they think of me as a human. One would be my ability to connect with people to form relationships really quickly. But then also my love and kind of nuanced skill for connecting other people and bringing more people into the party being super inclusive, I’ve always been someone who wants my like dream is to get all of the different people from all the different realms of my life into a room to have a party and to meet each other and be like, See, I know you would all love each other. And so I’ve kind of started building a business around that concept, which is really cool. The second thing is I am a high energy fun all the time kind of person, I have a really hard time doing things that aren’t fun. And I can take things that aren’t fun and make them more fun and interesting, which is probably one of my greatest superpowers beyond connecting with people and connecting them to each other. And I would say another thing. And I guess the reason that I made a lot of sense for this particular topic is I’ve always been just really comfortable sort of being the anomaly just being the way I am dressing the way that I want saying the things that I want within reason, and really creating a space for other people to do the same. It’s kind of a kind of a steady, warm kind of confidence that I think had really strikes people because it creates that space for for them to do the same. So absolutely. Those I guess don’t really tell anyone, most people introduce themselves by what they do. But that’s kind of who I am.

Akua Konadu
Yeah, and I love that because you just have like, such an energy about you were like, I instantly feel excited and like I want to have a good time. And that’s what I love about you. And so, as I said, we’re talking about how we can truly fully embrace who we are and live in our own truth. And I think for you like I’m just so interested to hear about your journey. So what was life like for you growing up? Because you are a part of the LGBTQ plus community, the work that you do is just so important, and how you do connect and provide visibility to people who are not exactly like always seen and so for you what was life, like growing up for you and what experiences led to you being like, like, This is who I am and I’m proud of that and my identity. What was what is your experience been like?

Megs Pulvermacher
I think growing up, really there’s a, I also work as a school psychologist. So sometimes I get into some psychological banter and nerdy things. So I’m going to start by saying, there was a lot of cognitive dissonance in my, the way that I grew up. Meaning that there were kind of two conflicting experiences, I would say. And when I initially read that question, what came to mind immediately is, what was it like growing up for me, it was really fucking awesome. I had two parents who thought I was the shit. And they let me know it all of the time, we had so much fun. Everything I did, I was an only child for eight years. And everything I did was like, Oh, my God, you just touched it, and it turned to gold. And I’m sure some of it was the half ASIST like worst, you know, pancake flip they’ve ever seen. And they’re like, Oh, my God, you’re amazing. And whatever. And so I developed this really strong self concept, where I, I agreed with them, I thought I was really badass, I knew I could do anything I wanted to do. If I wanted to make money, I was gonna be able to do it. They’re like, we’re not going to give it to you. But you can cherish it, go start a Kool Aid stand. We believe in you like that kind of thing. And just really strong, connected family, both with my immediate family and kind of our extended family. We spent time together, the vibes were good. People show up for each other, that kind of thing. And I grew up thinking that I was worthy of love that I was awesome that I was on the right track. I was a good student, I was a good athlete, I was in a lot of things. I lived in a small town in Wisconsin, where if you do something good, it gets in the paper, like, I was in the paper when I was six weeks old, because I totally crushed coming up for a week long trip up to the cities to visit my grandparents. And for some reason that was in the paper cracks me up. But I’ve been getting ink since early on, tell you what. And that was all well and good. Until I was probably like, I would say 13 or 14 was kind of when I started to realize that Lou, we have a lesbian situation on our hands. And, and this is going to be a problem because I also grew up in a Catholic home. And we were we weren’t like the Christmas and Easter kind of Catholics. Like I went to Catholic school. We went to church every week, like nothing over the top. But you know, we were what would you call it? We were compliant Catholics, I wouldn’t really say like, we actually pretty much followed the rules. No meat on Fridays during Lent is absolute bullshit. But I am a big fan of fish fry. So it works out is fish meat, is it not? We don’t know. But that got really scary. Because I knew that my parents believed in me thought I was great. We’re really proud of me. And then I knew this other part of me also existed. And I didn’t want that to take away from what I already knew to be true. And they kind of start to even each other out. Right, like, because this is a thing that just exists and I can’t pray it away. Definitely. I’m not trying to get anywhere close to dudes, and definitely really interested in dating women. So that’s kind of does that take away from is that going to completely cancel out? The the all of the good things that I’ve already done, and all of the like in other innately awesome parts of my personality that my parents are so proud of, and that I’m so proud of. And it also from like a religious standpoint, it didn’t really make sense to me that, like, how could I be gay? Because I was good, because those are two mutually exclusive things. They can’t coexist. And so I was like, Well, I must not be gay then because I already know that I’m good. And that was kind of where, you know, you really start to feel a lot of inner turmoil because you’re like, well, both can’t be true. So what am I supposed to do about this? And

Megs Pulvermacher
that was pretty tough. So I kind of knew that was a thing. When I was about 13. I kind of had like a little girlfriends situation in high school, and then went to college and I was sure I was going to just meet a guy get that off my chest. That didn’t happen. But I did meet a really awesome girl which led to that was a great relationship, but I ended up I ended up losing that relationship because I wasn’t willing to come up to my family. So there was a lot of compartmentalization, which I think is a I mean, that’s true for all people. We compartmentalize different pieces of our lives. But kind of like that double life vibe, where especially in college, I could be one way, although I was still pretty, I was super uncomfortable with it. When I was on campus, or I was at school, playing college softball, by the way, and because I’m a walking stereotype, like, I can’t help it, and I don’t want to, and then going home and being like, oh, yeah, like my best friend, whatever, just like came home for Christmas, and that kind of stuff. And I, I was just, there was so much fear of loss of my parents approval. And I would say more more approval from my parents than approval from others, was my thing. And the God thing, it was like, man, like, he’s fine and everything or whatever, but like, I don’t really care about that. It was more like, my parents approval was tied to the God thing. And so that was kind of where I would get hung up. But,

Akua Konadu
and it’s so interesting to to hear your perspective, the fact of like, okay, like you knew during this time that you are gay, but then you feel like, again, that of these other pieces of you can’t be true, because you are like, you’re not a good person you aren’t worthy of love, and all of these attributes that are very clear that whether you were gay or not, they would still, they would still be there. But it’s super interesting, have that mindset of how you immediately like, Associate of being gay as a negative thing. So then it cancels out everything else that’s not true, that you feel isn’t true then and so that, especially like, as a teen, like, oh my gosh, like, that’s just that’s a heavy thing to carry. Right? And so, for you, especially now, like in college, how was it coming out for you? Like, how was that whole process? Like,

Megs Pulvermacher
um, it was okay. Like, with, with peers, nobody cared. Everybody knew, I mean, look at you know, like, I was literally like, on the college softball team, and people, like, on the team would be like, you’re gay, right? And I’m like, No, I don’t have your mind. I mean, could there be a safer place to come out, but that’s how like, deep in this spiral of like, I can’t if it was almost like, if I admit it, or if, if, if I admit it, then it will officially be true, then there is no going back. There’s no, like, you know, putting the lid back on that Pringles can or whatever. And same with my parents. So with my parents, I think my mom, you know, parents know, and my mom was really supportive, but very scared. And my dad, and those look, my mom and my dad look, their fear, fear based actions look different ways. My mom is definitely more of a nurturer talker wants to understand, like that kind of thing. And my dad was like, Um, let me like, check the Catholic rules list. That’s a no for me, dog. And, like, just didn’t want to talk about it. So we had one conversation about it. He told me to keep the Lord in it. And then we didn’t have another conversation about it for a decade, which would have been, that was October 2020, we finally had another conversation about it. But my, I think my mom, what was most challenging about it, I think was besides my own, like inner turmoil and kind of ongoing acceptance, because there was some turbulence with my parents. The hardest part was kind of navigating my mom being stuck in the middle of both of us. And really like setting boundaries on helping her to handle that and work through that for herself and not putting it on me to help her. Like, figure out what is her relationship like with me, and how does she also support my dad who’s just kind of being a wean about it? So we’re getting there, though, and we’ve healed I’ve been out for 11 years? No, 12 years now. I think my coming out anniversary is March 9. So okay, okay. Coming up on the on the 12 year mark here. Yes. And we as as a family have just done an exceptional amount of healing over over that time of just learning to communicate better, because a lot of times, I think with queer folks, we don’t have the language to tell people how to support us, right. Like, there’s a bunch of, you know, resources out there for like parents, you know, how do you talk to your kid about whatever but it’s such an individual situation as far as different kinds of have identities, there’s so much to know, there are different people who like to get support in different ways. And we don’t always have that language to be like, I need this or I like support this way, or how to explain the ever evolving nature of identity that queer folks are just tend to be a little more in touch in touch with just because they asked you to figure out what’s going on. And be able to communicate that to another person can be a scary thing on both sides, and make it really tough to work through that stuff.

Akua Konadu
Yeah, and I think for so even throughout, like you said, with your story, like you finally told your parents and like, obviously, you have one parent who is being more nurturing, a little bit more receptive, and you have one parent that is much more closed off. So for you, when did you just kind of start to say like, okay, because I’m like, obviously, I don’t know, but like, I’m sure that felt like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders have some form of freedom that this is out there, but then how did you start to find yourself being like, okay, like, this is me, and I love this and like who I am, while you’re navigating those relationships, as you and your family are walking through that?

Megs Pulvermacher
Yeah, I thought I was a lot further along than I was for a long time. And it was like, in some areas of my life, in some friendships and relationships that I had, I was a little bit more comfortable with who I am. But I kind of had this underlying anger still, with the core of myself for being this way. And then the result that that led to with the ongoing turbulence with my parents, I don’t know, like, will my dad come to my wedding? Or am I ever going to be able to bring a partner home? Or all of those questions that come up that it’s like, gosh, I would just, I would so much rather be worried about bringing a partner home and my dad just like grilling them about, like, What are your intentions with my kid? Then, you know, is he gonna talk to them? Or make eye contact? Or be like, I don’t approve, why are you at my house and stuff like that. But what really was a game changer for me was I had never really gotten a one on one kind of life coach situation. And I hired one in 2020, when I decided to pivot my business to work to serve queer folks in the entrepreneurial space, because I was having a really hard time beyond just your standard procrastination, of like getting my sales pages out or coming up with social media content, or that kind of stuff. And I was like, there is I think I got stuff I need to just work through, uncover figure out. And I did just so much internal healing of forgiving myself for something that I don’t even need to forgive myself for, but, like, forgiving myself, for existing in the world as a queer person, and also recognizing that this is really my superpower, my, like, I adopted all of these different anomalies about myself, my energy, the way I present, the things I’m really good at, I kind of stick out like a pretty sore thumb in the world, which is great. That’s awesome. That’s such a gift. But there, I was always kind of masking that one little last part of my queerness and really embracing it. And so in healing that I was then much better able to understand, I think my parents perspective, and to approach that conversation in a more loving in a more loving way to them, but more importantly, in a more loving way to myself. And that really kind of cleared the air for like, Hey, I am just as important in this conversation, as you all are. And we need to find a way to love each other better, to love each other more fully, and to communicate with each other so that we can maintain this relationship. And if we can’t, if you’re not ready to do that, that is fine. But we’re gonna have to revisit it at another time. And my voicemail is full. So

Akua Konadu
oh my gosh, you said so many powerful things in that and then even just to talking about forgiveness and forgiveness is a beautiful thing. But forgiveness also sex because you have to constantly like when you say like you forgive somebody, right? It’s easy to do that. But then as you move forward, things come up things you trip over things and you have to consistently remind yourself whether you’re forgiving yourself or you’re forgiving somebody else. You have to consistently remind yourself that you forgave this person. So how can you heal from them especially if you didn’t think was gonna come up comes up. It’s just a really like, it’s not a straightforward journey. It’s just super crazy. And so like I think That’s amazing that you were able to number one, forgive yourself because I feel like that’s the hardest it totally is. And so the fact that you’re able to do that and like, fully embrace who you are, and be like, This is my truth, but I’m still gonna love the people in my life. That’s a huge thing. And so, I think that’s amazing. And so even now, with like, all of that experiences, how do you navigate when you feel like there’s some haters out there, girl? So how are you navigating? When people judge you, hardcore,

Megs Pulvermacher
it is just so it is so funny. I’ve honestly, I’ve never really had anyone like, overtly be overtly homophobic in my space, and we microaggressions they tend to cut a little

Akua Konadu
eight Come on, they do they do. They don’t know.

Megs Pulvermacher
What happened hack you up, because they think they’re being an ally. And they’re not, they’re not showing,

Akua Konadu
you’re showing your ass, you’re showing your ass Becky, I need you to chill it out.

Megs Pulvermacher
It’s, um, yeah, that stuff is it’s an opportunity to, I don’t know, I feel like I spend a lot of time just assessing, do I have the energy? Or do I want to allot any energy to this interaction right now, like some people I’m like, you know, have a blessed day, and just walk right out of it. But in other in other moments like at work, there’s a just a specific example that’s coming to my brain right now I printed out these they’re like free posters that are like, we the future. So it’s talking about like voting and ending gun violence. And there’s a bunch of them that I can’t think of all of but representing all of these different intersectionalities. And one of them says, We the future unapologetically queer. And I was like, Oh, my God, that is the dopest thing I’ve ever seen. When I was in school, and I don’t know school I’ve ever been in has had a poster on the wall that said queer on it. And I think it, it was just super cool. And I took it upstairs to this, like, the laminating lab to have the laminator lady laminate my very queer poster. And she was like, you know, when back in the day queer was always kind of like, that was a bad word, you know, like, smear the queer and stuff. And I was like, yeah, we’ve kind of, you know, reclaimed it. And it’s just so much easier to say that and LGBTQIA two s plus, like, way fewer syllables, you know, so we got places to be and things to do. So queer is just, I think it’s just easier. And she was like, Yeah, you know, I was having a, having a conversation with somebody one time who was like, I don’t understand why we have to have pride. There’s no straight pride or whatever. And I told them, you know, just just let the gays have their day. They’re not they’re not trying to hurt anybody. They’re not and I was like, you know, you’re talking to one here, right here, you’re just gonna let me have my, my one day in March, or March, God in June. I don’t even know when my month is. But every month is straight month, or whatever. But it’s just like, It’s little things like that. Where you assess in the moment, I have a relationship with her. But I was like, I don’t know. I can’t help but give the side I like, yeah, for noon, but I’m like, Yeah, we should, we should definitely just get our day. Nobody. Like, have you been to the Pride Parade. It’s not all just assless chaps like it’s a family thing. With the family fun event. You know, people have their like, they have their single story about everything. So it’s like, in situations like that, it’s really just energy, paying attention to energy. And like being queer on the internet every day is absolutely horrific. For some people, I honestly, I can’t even think of a negative like comment or something that I’ve gotten. So obviously, I need to work on growing my audience.

Akua Konadu
Or you’re just really good at protecting your piece, something like

Megs Pulvermacher
that. I keep that realm tight. Keep it tight. But I think it’s when you’re in a space of being able to be visible, where you feel safe, being visible, and you’re making the decision to do that. I think there’s kind of like this underlying understanding that part of the power and the visibility is like yes, that is going to move hearts and minds and inspire and warm the experiences of some of the people who need it. But it might also move some hearts and minds of people who are very much in the other side and you might be you know, the first opportunity for them to probably chuck some hate at you, but also get a different perspective. And it’s probably pretty lucky for them that they landed on your page. And if they’re gonna say some dumb shit, I’m just gonna delete the comment.

Akua Konadu
Yeah, I think the way you go about it is, is really healthy and awesome. And yeah, definitely not allowing it to like heavily affect your behavior, but then also being open to having a different perspective. But there’s a limit to that, because I’ll be like Oh, my God, no, I love that. And so let’s just talk about visibility, like, Where have times in your life, especially as you walk through this journey where you have felt invisible, because I feel like your business is heavily about visibility to the queer community. And so were like, how did that come about? You know what I mean? So what’s your journey with like, visibility,

Megs Pulvermacher
it’s pretty easy to visibly deduce that I’m queer. Like, people can take a pretty good guest, right? Some people have kind of the privilege in their presentation in their ability to blend in, right? Like, if female identifying folks are more feminine presenting, they might be able to blend in and nobody’s gonna just kind of silently deduce that they’re queer. So visibility in people might be like, Oh, I’m not going to try to assume anything about mags or whatever. But yeah, wouldn’t be that surprised. Kind of a kind of a deal. But visibility is a lot of times a choice for queer folks, which there is a great deal of, of privilege in but also, it’s like, got to be very conscious. And it requires a certain level of work that has been done to be secure in who you are, where you’re at. And to kind of, I think, predict the predict and understand the impact it might have. But also be ready and ready, willing and able to, or at least ready and willing, because sometimes you think you’re more able or ready than you actually are to put yourself out there and be like, hey, yeah, the huge queer over here. And I know in so the community that I run, it’s called queer impact collective. And it’s an it’s an international online community, for queer entrepreneurs, creatives and change makers. And the the whole idea of it is to create a space where queer folks who are out here trying to be more visible, have community and support because of the challenge of it, because there’s a lot of fear around different elements of what that looks like, like, Will I lose business? If I am I going to exclude people, people get nervous about niching no matter what they do, right? But it’s kind of like can be unintentional Nietzschean. If you’re, if you’re just saying I’m a queer on business, some people do that on purpose, because they’re trying to get queer folks to come to their business. But I think a lot of Invisibility is usually by choice in with within the queer community, particularly, I would say, this is something that I didn’t even realize was a thing because like I said, before we got on, I’m just your standard white, Midwestern softball lesbian. So I’m, I’m like a really easy, traditionally kind of gay person for people to understand, right? Like, I’m cisgendered. I am, like, people know what a lesbian is. Then we’ve got all these other labels, you bring in these different elements of expression and gender identity, and different labels, like most people don’t know what a demisexual is, right? Or an ELO sexual, or what is a romanticism and all of these different ways that people can identify. So I’m a pretty easy one, but I know, there’s a lot of bisexual and pansexual erasure out there. Particularly for for those folks, if the person that they’re with presents as a traditionally heterosexual relationship, people will kind of like invalidate their queerness. So they’ll, they’ll feel like, well, since I’m a sis woman with a sis man, then that in and we’re in a relationship or married, whatever that invalidates my queerness as a whole. And there’s this whole different element of kind of exclusion within the queer community where people were like, Oh, you’re not queer enough. Or you don’t, you can’t sit with us. We were rainbow on Wednesdays. You look too straight or whatever. But there’s a lot of fear around that to have people saying I’m a queer on business and people being like, lie. I call bullshit. Like whatever just because of They’re largely because of their relationship status, because that’s how most people that’s what most people out there who aren’t living the experience and even some people in the queer community, but that’s a lot of sexuality is largely how people kind of make sense of queerness. And it’s only one element. Yeah,

Akua Konadu
I was gonna say there’s so many layers, with visibility within the LGBT community like, wow, I had

Megs Pulvermacher
a lot of shooting it within the circle.

Akua Konadu
Yeah. Oh my gosh, and so way tight, what encouraging words with you have for people just embrace who they are, stand firm in their truth. I just loved how you said like, the thing that makes you that’s your superpower, right? And how you, I mean, literally, compared to when I met you in 2019. To now it’s like, night and day. And I, I love it. It’s just been such a joy just to like, see your journey and hear your journey today. And so what are some encouraging words that you would like to share?

Megs Pulvermacher
Hmm, I think we all kind of have these dark spots of our personality or kind of that shadow side, whatever thing, there’s, there’s, we all have a thing, right, like the part of ourselves, that it just scares the shit out of us to dig into our kind of that nagging thing where you just kind of let it float out there in the ether and continue on the societally acceptable path, or whatever. But I think more often than not, it is the parts of yourself that scary the most are probably the ones that are your greatest gifts, and that are going to end up being your superpowers that are going to allow you to show up in the world, make an impact and be the most complete, full, loving version of yourself.

Akua Konadu
Oh, that is so good. Such a good reminder. It really is because like, yeah, there’s pieces of me with my story that I did not want to share. And I had to walk through a lot of healing. And then when I finally shared it now I I mean, I don’t talk about it as much. Now a couple things like back in the day with my pageant journey, but like, the most ugliest part of my life that I tried super hard to like hide and not share was the thing that propelled me forward into like the entrepreneur that I am today, which is super crazy. So like I forget that sometimes it’s true, like you sometimes forget, like how far you’ve come in the journey. So I love that you shared that. And Megs, this conversation was so good. And I am just so thankful that you came and shared parts of yourself and your story. This was amazing. And so for our listeners, where can people find you?

Megs Pulvermacher
You can find me most readily on Instagram at Megs the connector,

Akua Konadu
Max and she also has a podcast herself.

Megs Pulvermacher
Sure. Do. I have an Instagram for that too? I wouldn’t know podcast. But yeah, the definitely check out the podcast. There’s some great resources there for allies and just a ton of varying perspectives of queerness. It’s all about navigating and thriving in the coming out journey, which was really inspired by my post coming out journey. And it’s been really cool to see how my voice has evolved in the year and a half that I’ve been doing that podcast as well. So check it out. And your Yeah,

Akua Konadu
yes. Oh, no, I literally subscribed when I reached out to you. And I was like, I’m definitely gonna be listening now. So thank you. Thank you so much Megs, and thank you all so much for listening. And until next time, thank you so much for tuning into here’s the T with Akua. If you are loving the podcast, I’d be so honored if you go ahead and hit that subscribe button on your favorite podcast player and leave me a review. This helps grow the podcast so more people can be impacted by the story shared by powerful guests like in today’s episode. Until next time, go make uncomfortable conversations a little more comfortable.