From Accepting to Loving Your Body with Carly Someplace

Are you comfortable in your body, or is loving your body difficult? There are so many expectations and culturally set standards in society for beauty—which often leaves us longing for self-love and acceptance. In today’s episode, Carly Someplace joins us to share her journey to body neutrality and positivity, along with highlighting how it’s a work in progress every single day.

This is Season 1 Episode 6 of Here’s the Tea with Akua

Here’s the Tea with Akua is a safe space to learn about hot topics, gain a new perspective and have a greater understanding of the people around us. You’ll hear amazing stories of everyday people like you and me. They’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. As we discuss topics such as race, relationships, mental health, and how to just figure out the thing called life, we’d love to have you subscribe on Apple PodcastSpotify, or your favorite podcast player!

Important Parts of the Conversation:

Get to Know Carly (2:05)

How Carly Got Started in Her Body Positivity Journey (4:32)

Body Expectations in Different Cultures (12:44)

The Body Positivity Movement is for All Bodies (18:08)

Celebrating Your Body – Carly’s Perspective (21:25)

Body Neutrality (24:55)

Work in Progress Every Day (26:36)

Compliments Reflect Self-Love (32:46)

Connect with Carly:

@someplaceimages

@carlysomeplace

@someplaceforeverybody

@imperfectjournal

Loving your Body with Carly Someplace

Review the Transcript:

Akua Konadu
Welcome to here’s the tea with Akua. That’s me, and this is a place where we have candid conversations about various hot topics. Each week, you’ll be hearing some amazing stories of everyday people like you and me. There’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. I believe that our stories are powerful, and when shared, they can change not only our perspectives, but also our lives. No topic is off limits. So have a seat and get ready because we are going to be making uncomfortable conversations comfortable. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of here’s the tea with Akua. And today, as every other conversation I am looking forward to this topic, because we are just gonna be talking about today, just accepting our bodies and talking about body positivity. And so I’m really, really excited for today’s guests. Carly Juric aka Carly someplace.

Carly Someplace
Yes, that is me.

Akua Konadu
So I this is honestly my first time meeting Carly. So I’m really excited. We both have the same podcast editor Haylee Gaffin. So shout out to Haley there for connecting us. Yes. So she is the best. So anyways, Carly say hello, welcome. Thank you for being on the show.

Carly Someplace
Thank you for having me. I’m so incredibly excited. Hi. Excited, I love I obviously just love talking about this subject. Because I have an entire podcast on this.

Akua Konadu
I love like seeing like your reviews to like people were just like I laughed, I cried. I love the vulnerability. And just like, I was like, that’s what I have to have you on because it just looks like you’re like completely changing people’s lives. So like how we truly view ourselves and accepting ourselves with the things that we do have and the things that we don’t, which I think is just so important to talk about. So before we hop into the topic, um, share with us a little bit about who you are, what you’re doing in the world, how you’re making an impact.

Carly Someplace
Yeah, so I’m currently someplace as we said, and I am I am primarily a boudoir photographer. I shoot destinations house sessions all over mostly the US right now because international travel has been crazy for the last couple years, let’s not kid ourselves. But generally all over the world. I shoot in generally 20 to 25 cities across the US every single year. And it’s pretty much my like life goal to change people’s self perception, like one person at a time. So podcasting has been another form of that, because a lot of people just from listening to things and hearing different perspectives and different views. It’s like it is life changing for people, and it’s really cool. And yeah, so uh, but I’m primarily a photographer, but also very much so consider myself like a body activist. Also definitely part of the body positivity movement, but also very lean hard into accepting that body neutrality is the first step to body positivity. Um, and besides that, like, I have three Furbabies and I really like coffee you know, all the basic things.

Akua Konadu
Basic things Starbucks, probably, I’m assuming.

Carly Someplace
Listen, listen, I love Starbucks. I used to work. I used to work at Starbucks. The high was a freeze. I was a barista for solidly for about a year. And then my store that I worked at, I would go back to occasionally because it would get super busy and I would be home over the holidays and my manager would be like, Hey, what are we gonna shift today? And I’m like, not really, but okay. So I wasn’t Starbucks barista for probably like five years. So the coffee addiction for I’m sure.

Akua Konadu
I don’t like coffee at all. Like I love don’t. Oh my god, I have tried to get into it. I tried to be bougie and I can’t do it. The only thing I get from Starbucks are their Mango. Mango dragon fruit. That’s right. And that’s my favorite. That’s the only thing I get from there. And Chai chai tea latte. That’s it. Yep. So,

Carly Someplace
all right. No coffee, no coffee for no coffee.

Akua Konadu
Okay, so let’s hop into it. So just walk me through your own journey and story just about with your body. What has that looked like for you to where it has led you to what you do now?

Carly Someplace
Yeah, so I I grew up I’ll say that. Let me preface with I have the greatest like nuclear family on the face of the planet. My parents are phenomenal. They’re a huge reason that I’m as comfortable in my body as I am because my parents are very like, they’ve never told me no. I mean, that sounds very like I’m a spoiled princess. But like they’ve never told me no like they’ve never told me no, you can’t wear that. No, you can Like, I mean, with the exception of like being in high school and like wearing extremely inappropriate things for my age when my dad was like, no go back. Like, they’ve never told me to cover up my body, which is a huge thing. And I think that that’s not necessarily an experience that a lot of people have. And while my mom, like, most of her generation would partake in a lot of those diet, culture fads, um, it wasn’t really primarily her anything, it was never anything that really like influenced us as kids, which is really amazing. On the flip side, my grandmother, my grandmother was a model in the 50s. And she is very much so in that like mentality of the 1950s, like my grandpa was on the football team, my grandmother was a song leader, for the cheer squad, like they are, like your 1950s, typical American couple. And with that comes a lot of just body shame. And like, everything that surrounds you know, that like, oh, you should be a housewife ness of the 1950s for, you know, white blond haired, blue eyed couples, which is literally my grandparents.

Carly Someplace
So, it is, it’s just really interesting, my grandmother is extremely self conscious of her body, and has pushed that on to me for my entire life. A lot of it even when I was a younger kid, like middle school, it was, if you just lost 10 pounds, you’d be so much prettier, if you like. So these are the comments that I was getting, like my whole adolescence, and at some point, I just started putting my foot down, which caused a lot of drama within my family, but has in leaps and bounds moved me forward in understanding what it’s like to stand up for myself, and what it’s like to stand up for my body and accept that, like, nobody else gets control over it except for me. So that’s like the very beginning of the journey becoming a boudoir photographer. So I’ve pretty much been a photographer, the majority of my life, I got my first camera at 11. And then started shooting, especially when I was 18. I went to school, I have my bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts photography, from Savannah College of Art and Design. And getting to just photograph all different body types is something that was like super important to me while I was getting my degree that like wasn’t prominent in other’s work that I was seeing while I was in school. And maybe it’s because I was like, Oh, my body looks different than all of these people. So I need more diversity and representation in body sizes and body types. Because this is the real world not and even though the work that I was creating then was like these like, very, like fantasy, built upsets and crazy costumes and like really cool stuff that I was doing. And it was a lot of fun. And now I’m like, Oh, I wish I could do that don’t have time for it. But I wish I could sell. But I mean, I was using models as young as 13. And I was using models into their 60s, all different skin tones, all different weights, all different sizes, obviously all different ages, which isn’t something that anybody around me was doing. And I found out quite quickly how empowering that was to be able to give these a lot of these women primarily women, and I photograph a space in front of a camera when they had never really been recognized before or had ever been asked to be in front of a camera because they weren’t a quote unquote ideal body type. And it became even more apparent when one of my professors told me that I needed to Photoshop my 13 year old models arms for them to be thinner. And I said no. That was like a really, really big turning point for me. I was like, she is a teenager, she is a young girl, I cannot modify her body. And like again, I was like doing these like fantasy sets I take 25 woman and I turned them into birds it was a whole comment on like, the sexuality of the female or like, of male versus female in human versus in avian. Because male birds with the pretty ones and female birds are like, very like oh, like I have to be protected, etc, whatever, a male, flashy, shiny ones, whereas in our culture and society, females are generally the more flashy, showy ones in order to win a mate. So big commentary on that. So of course I’m like using Photoshop anyways, because I’m like putting beaks on their faces and like elongating features and things like that, but like, in an artistic way, not like actually modifying their bodies, mostly just facial features. So it would work so they didn’t look weird having a beak. So when that happened, and my professor was like, I just think her arms need to be slimmed out right here. And I looked at him and I was like, Absolutely not. And he looked at me and he was like, You will never work in the fashion industry then and I said then I don’t fucking care. I’m not changing this woman’s body, this girl’s body with a without her consent and below Like, she’s like, a, like skinny little teenager was like, I’m not, I’m not, I can’t, I just couldn’t do it, I morally could not do it. And from there, I made some pretty like hard and fast rules for myself of like, no Photoshop. And I mean photoshopping, the capacity of like, even what I do now with boudoir, it’s like a skin filter, because nobody wants to see the highest definition of how much my camera can pick up with your pores. So like, I’m just smoothing those back out. But I don’t modify bodies. And and that’s been, as I’ve moved through into my career that’s been like one of those very prominent things. And specifically, I absolutely even with skin filters, I won’t Photoshop myself. So any photo that exists with me on the internet, and there’s a lot of me like half clothed and all this other stuff. Those are all I refuse to modify my own body in any way, including skin filters, the exception being like, I’ve taken out some bruises and scratches, because your girl is clumsy over here, but that’s fair, those aren’t gonna be there forever.

Carly Someplace
The dimples in my thighs, yeah, they’re there. So I’m gonna love them and appreciate them. They might not be my favorite, but they exist. So I can acknowledge that they’re there. So yeah, so that like all of that and moving into like, my photo career has been really the catalyst for leaning harder into loving myself, and then being able to turn around. And I don’t want to be like, dish it back out to my clients, but like it, I mean, when somebody’s screaming Yes, Queen at you, you’re like, okay, cool. Like, I’m feeling it. And so it’s, it’s like, it’s a good thing. So it’s, it’s definitely a good thing. But yeah, so that’s kind of brought me because that was, oh, gosh, well, I graduated college over 10 years ago. So a decade of then learning more about myself, learning how I can have helped people shift their own perspective to kind of see those things and feel those things that I feel about my body. And I can do that, I guess the easiest way through showing them with a camera. And and like truly showing them their personality, and that they are so much more than enough, right as they are right now. And not when they lose 10 pounds or not when they’ve modified their body in some way. And it’s a really powerful thing. So that’s kind of where that like, and it like, every day like it changes me, every client I have, it changes me and it just like helps me grow and helps me like realize, like, the world needs more of this. Versus just like being like, Oh, this is my job. And I do the same thing every day. Like no, every single client I’m like, Yes, this is fantastic.

Akua Konadu
I love that so much. And the fact even you with you being in college, and you already knew like, Absolutely not like, yeah, these are, what my values are, and I’m gonna stick to them. I think that’s so huge and just amazing. And I think culturally, it’s really interesting, because I’m extremely petite. And in African culture, and I just feel like in African American culture as well, like being thick in curves are much more celebrated. So I me and my sister are very small. My mom was very small. And I, I don’t think my mom would tell me this, but I’m pretty sure my grandma, or like family was like, You’re too tiny. Like you need to gain weight. Yes. So that because that’s what she was saying to me. And my

Carly Someplace
and that that like dichotomy, like it happens across both ends of the spectrum because my grandmother being like, you need to lose weight and your grandmother being like, eat more you need to,

Akua Konadu
like, yeah, like, it’s like, my butt and like, you know, cuz like, I’m very, I’m very busy. And so growing up for me, I’ve never liked my body because I felt like I was so small. And I would always like there were you know, especially just culturally like you would see things on the internet. And I hated every single year when there was a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Oh, yeah. Because I was like, everybody hated it, because I hated it. Because I would see comments, especially in like, the black community have these women look like 12 year old boys, and I’m like, That’s what I look like right now. That’s awesome. And then you have other people on the other side of the spectrum that also hate that show? Because they don’t look like that. So and for me, I do not fit the typical European standards as in terms of beauty. Right? Like, I was like, Ah, hell so like, right? Like I just I just didn’t know where I fit at all when it comes to like my body and what I look like and so yeah, I wished I had more hips. I wished I had a bigger butt and bigger boobs and that Hourglass figure and I don’t have that and I mean now that I’m older like I have learned to love my body but that was constantly even in high school like my best friend at the time she looked like that like the our grass like VIDEO VIXEN type of a thing. So she would get a lot of attention constantly. And like she doesn’t I never really told us heavily but like, people would always compare our bodies all the time where we were. Oh yeah, and some capacity. So I just have always been extremely, extremely self conscious of my body. But like when I got into pageants people were like, you have a phenomenal body. And I’d be like, what? Like, is it

Carly Someplace
right? Is the standard changes depending on like what you’re existing in like on? Yeah, that’s, and it’s really interesting because even like, so now getting into my 30s and like an even just in the last couple years of like the body positivity movement just gaining more steam. Yeah. Which is amazing. And it’s like, and like, the recognition of it. And I say this all the time, people are like, oh, yeah, body positivity. And there’s all these like new influencers and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, let’s not forget that this is like, fat black women who are like, No, I exist, and let me fucking be who I am. And we’re gonna move forward from there. And, and then putting their foot down and starting this movement for everybody.

Carly Someplace
Yeah, yes, exactly. Put your foot down and exist and be who you are. But there, there’s been this whole, like, you know, where do you fit in thing. And for the longest time in this body positivity movement? People were like, oh, but you’re not fat. Like you’re not big enough. You’re not curvy. Like you’re not, you’re not actually fat, you don’t know. Like, you don’t know what it’s like. And I’m like, Okay, do you? Do you want my weight? Do you want to scale? Do you want me to tell you every negative thing a doctor has ever said to me? Do you want me? Like how do I need to justify myself to be fat enough when I’ve never been skinny enough. And I’m also definitely not a mid size. So like, weird as my body exists. And I, I really dislike that exclusionary part of the body positivity movement. And it’s so hard because then it really does, it just depends on what sphere you’re in to be like, Oh, your body is perfect for this. Because for a lot of people, a lot of even like my friends who photographed me, they’re also boudoir photographers, they’re like, Oh, you’re like one of the most like, confident like, fat or plus size models that I’ve ever worked with, and different things like this. And I’m like, Cool. Also, like, there are a lot of other bodies bigger than mine, and that need more recognition. And like all this other stuff, and you should be able to, specifically within the photography industry, I believe that everybody should be able to pose everybody like, there shouldn’t be any differentiation and like all this other stuff, but, but people are like, Oh, you’re perfect for this. And I’m like, how about we just be perfect for everything we are?

Akua Konadu
Yes, I love that. That is such a really, really good point is right, like body positivity movement, it’s the purpose is to accept your body where it is right now. So again, even within that movement, right, there’s still a spectrum of like, okay, well, you’re not big enough, right? Like or whatever. And so it’s it’s really interesting of just how just, society has really forced the way that we naturally view our bodies. And so like, it’s just, it’s insane. I just My mind is just hearing your experience. And then my experience, I’m like, holy crap, like our journeys are so different. But

Carly Someplace
with but so the same at so many points, like, where do I fit in? How can I like, why is my body not good enough as it is, and for society, just existing? And that’s, I think that’s the biggest thing of the body positivity movement is that like, it is for all bodies, period. And like, there’s a lot of like, back and forth because people are like, Oh, anybody who’s in a smaller body is like not going to understand the struggles of just fat shaming and different things like that. And while that’s true, that doesn’t mean that everybody doesn’t have its struggles like that. Everybody isn’t struggling with their own body. And these like standards like I just like my brain is like Okay, so like growing up they’re like, Oh, you need to look like Kate Moss like nobody looks like Kate Moss except for fucking Kate Moss like I think that that’s like one of the biggest things is that like they gave us these standards of like, here’s these fucking supermodels and I was like, but nobody looks like them except for them like that is what makes them supermodels. They’re unique. They’re confident. Yeah, they’re obviously thinner women, but like they have this like magnetism to them. That is what has catapulted them into fame. And that’s their personality, and it really honestly doesn’t have anything to do with their fucking body. Like

Akua Konadu
that is so true.

Carly Someplace
That’s like if we look at the these people who we like prize in that, like, we’ll just say fashions fear. It is. They’re these amazing, amazing women who generally have thinner bodies but are also like, amazing people and have this like magnetic energy and work their fucking asses off to do what they’re doing. And we’re just like, Oh, they’re skinny and pretty, so they just get it all and that’s not true. And really what they’re actually doing and how they’ve moved forward has had 5% to do with that they fit into to a body type that the fashion industry wants and 95% to do with dedication, character, animal, like, just like how they present themselves to the world and how they move forward through it. And again, still has nothing to do with their bodies that 5% it. Also, it has to do with their bodies.

Akua Konadu
And I love that you pointed that out that, you know, like we as women, like we’re more than our bodies, like, absolute right? Like we have a personality, we have the charisma, we have so many things that define us and have gotten us where we are currently at that has nothing to do with our bodies. And so I love that, which is such a good point. And so I wanted to ask for you. Where did you get to a point where you just started celebrating your body where it is right now? Because I think a lot of us struggle with that. And I am not I have no children? I am not.

Carly Someplace
You know, a lion. I have two dogs and a cat.

Akua Konadu
I have my nieces and nephew. My Yeah, they’re my kids. You did the whole all the hard work parents. Right, exactly. But I do always like a lot of my friends, like a lot of them are married with kids. And like they sometimes like will look at me and comment how my body is which Thank you, you know what I mean? But again, it’s like I eventually would love kids. So I’ll be there at that point to have, you know, celebrating where we’re at with right now with our bodies, not like oh, I wish I looked at this way.

Carly Someplace
Right later. Yes. So I think the biggest thing with with me specifically, and just in general, because I do get asked this question a lot people were like, how do you get there? It’s, it’s not just like a I decided and it is it’s like I decide every single day and sometimes multiple times within the day to be like, Okay, no, I like myself like that is it’s, it’s really, it’s coming from a place with that. And as I mentioned earlier, like, body neutrality is the first step to body positivity, there’s no way ever that I’m going to love every single piece of my body period, like I might be the most body positive person, a lot of people know. And that’s totally fine. But I’m still working on myself on a daily basis, I will not lie to you, I still get up in the morning, and I stand and I look at my full length mirror. And I’m like, Okay, I’m like, I will hear these negative thoughts enter my mind and be like, Nope, we’re not doing that today. And it’s literally it’s the choice of saying no, we’re not doing that today, every single day. And in some essence is like, every single hour, like when I’m having a bad day, it’s a lot easier for those negative voices to be in my head and telling me that my body’s not worthy, or my body’s not good enough, or, you know, my boyfriend’s gonna leave me because he’s gonna find somebody that is, you know, more, I don’t know, pick up anything. Um, and, and it’s choosing to, in those moments, not even just be like, No, I love me, it’s fine, because that’s sometimes not enough. But what is enough is being like, my body exists, and my body moves me through the world, I’m really not a fan of my knees, I hate them. I’m like, super self conscious of them. Doesn’t mean I don’t wear dresses, it just means that I don’t like them. Um, and when I like really sit and think about it, like my knees, I’ve hiked all of these really cool places all over the world, I’ve done a lot of really cool things like my knees have carried me my knees, work my knees, let me bend my knees, let me like, do a lot of really cool things. And so I might not like them, but they exist and they do their job. And that’s all I can think them for. And so that’s not me showering them with love. That’s me showering them with acceptance, you exist, you do the things, I’m never gonna like you. That’s okay. But you’re here. So I think that that’s like the biggest start point to getting to like really loving your body at every phase that it’s in is accepting that it’s doing things and functioning for you the best way that it can, and then working on loving the things that you love. We all have in the same way that we all have things that we’re self conscious of. We all have things that we really like about ourselves. And so focusing on those things that we really like first, and being able to just accept to the other things is like the ticket. Because as you have more acceptance, then acceptance might turn to love, especially if you’re working on it on a daily basis. And it really is it’s just like it’s baby steps. It’s baby steps every single day. And that’s like how you make progress and things in anything is baby steps and and body neutrality is walking before you can read which is body positivity.

Akua Konadu
Yeah, and I’ve never, I’ve never like I’ve never heard the term body neutral, neutral. Neutral. Neutral, neutral. Body neutral. That’s all I’m just gonna say. Yeah, so like, we’re even done sorry for people like can you explain that really quickly to

Carly Someplace
Yeah, so body neutral and body neutrality is just like exists Like, knowing that your body is just functioning at its base levels, your heart is beating, your lungs are breathing, air, your knees are moving, your arms are moving, like you can move your head, you can do whatever. And there’s a lot of this that comes in. A lot of body neutrality comes in, we’ll mention like a, like chronically ill, or disabled and different things like that. But even in those cases, it’s still accepting that your body is doing the best that it can, and it is functioning and you’re alive. And so those are, those are instead of being like, I hate this, it’s like, okay, my feet work. Like, it’s not a negative, it’s just a acknowledgement that they exist and they work and or you know that your body is doing something for you. My heart is still beating, my lungs are still breathing, like the that is body neutrality at its like, core level. And that can be applied to everything like, Okay, I don’t like my eyes, or I don’t like my eyebrows. Okay, they exist. They’re just there. My eyes are here to see my you know, it is it all comes down to just like the most basic of like, does this have a function? Yes. And is it functioning the way it’s supposed to? In most cases? Yes, then like, move forward with that. And then that gives you space to move forward in it not being negative, in just acceptance.

Akua Konadu
I love that. And that. And I feel like that is a lot more doable than looking. Oh, yeah. I love myself today. And I think I love that you pointed out to you that, yes, you are a body activist, and you are in the body positivity movement and all that stuff. But there like there are still parts of you that you do not like, and that is okay, that you’re still a work in progress. And I highlighted that.

Carly Someplace
And I think that anybody who is like, highly featured in the sphere of body positivity would say the same thing. Like I’m a work in progress every single day, like we all have good days and bad days, we all have. There’s so much that goes on inside our brains on a daily basis. And like, you’re not going to be able to process every single thought and not every single thought is going to be positive. And that’s okay. That doesn’t like it’s not necessarily like a two steps forward one step back situation. But again, having that neutrality of like, it exists, I exist. And like that is the core I think of like being able to move into a more positive space is just being like it exists. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not inherently bad because I exist. I just exist. And that’s the neutrality. But it is I mean, I work every single day, I have, you know, good days that I’m like, Yeah, I’m not shit today. And then there’s other days that I like, a couple of weeks ago, I looked at my boyfriend and I was like, Do you think I’m pretty? And he goes, Is your brain being mean to you? Because that’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. I was like, Yeah, and he’s like, Okay, what would you like me to tell you for you to think that, or for you to believe me that that’s what I truly think. And I was like, I don’t know, just kettleby

Akua Konadu
you know, shout out to your boyfriend now.

Carly Someplace
He’s real good. He’s real good. I won’t lie. He that man is like, he is like, Fuck the patriarchy. And he is, he very much so exists in like, working on breaking apart a lot of toxic masculinity. And he does. He does a lot of work on himself. And it’s it’s really eye opening to see, especially from a female perspective, looking towards a male perspective, because men’s body positivity is a whole different movement that’s like, fairly off the ground right now. And just like, incredibly important, and I actually I had him on my podcast, so that we could talk about that because he was like, there’s all these standards that like, we are given as well. He’s like, you know, people want us to look like fucking superheroes, like the Marvel men are like, the ideal or whatever, like, yeah, absolutely. But at the same time, like, he’s like, they’re in like, essentially, like bodybuilding prep, when they’re shooting those scenes where their shirts are being ripped off. They’ve eaten like, nothing and just drink water all day. Like, because it’s specific for that moment, and like, that’s not realistic. And, and I think that they get that type where we get you know, supermodels. And so those super unrealistic like body standards are just crazy. And and we’re all given them no matter what gender you have. And, and even like, I’ll say, I mean, let’s throw non binary in there. There’s so many people in like, in the non binary like spotlight, and I think that a lot of people who are non binary are like, do I need to be more like this to be you know, in in myself and my body and this and, and I think that like we are literally no matter what gender you are, you are given this, like, here’s an ideal that you need to meet and let’s try and do that. And it’s not like that’s just not it’s not realistic. I mean, it makes for great TV, I guess or like great movies. So yeah, I want to see Chris Hemsworth abs as many times as possible, but also like sign me up but like it’s it is it’s not, it’s not realistic. And so and so being able to have those like frank conversations with with my boyfriend is extremely helpful. And he’s really great about that. And it’s just, it’s, I think it’s something that for a long time I was searching for in a partner and I’ve finally found it in him that he is just as he cares about it just as much as I do. And he cares about so much of like dismantling just some basic shit around like being a man and, and doing all this other stuff. And it’s it’s really changed my perspective to be with him and see the struggles that he’s gone through with it and the discussions that we’ve had. So it’s really, I mean, he’s a good one.

Akua Konadu
Shout out to him number one and two. That is so true, though you I completely forget the pressures that men face, right? And then even to non binary, I’m gonna be honest, like, I watched the show Sex Education, which was phenomenal. I know y’all, I’ve been sleep on that damn show. There is a character on there who is non binary. And there was like a whole discussion issue in episode with the uniforms, the school human rights, stuff like that, where she felt comfortable wearing a certain uniform, and the headmaster was like, Absolutely not. And to me, that was finally like, the first time that I was like, oh, like people that are also non binary? Like, how do they follow along with this whole body positivity, and you know, just all of that to accepting who they are their bodies, especially in a society where it’s like, you’re either one or the other. So there’s just so many multitude and so many layers, and I just love that you brought all of that up, that it’s not just women that are going through that, like everybody is having to face these unrealistic European, like beauty standards, honestly. And so

Carly Someplace
absolutely. It really is. It’s just like, like, like, there’s such a part of me and like, like you say, like, European beauty standards, and I wanted to be like, who decided that they were like, the ones we needed to choose, like, cool, raining, conquers awesome. Like, like, when you think about it, and like that capacity of like, so they took over the world, and then they decided we all need to look like them. That’s fucking stupid. Yeah. I’m just, yeah,

Akua Konadu
and just even society history, just like, you know, with black people and slavery and how black bodies were used, how especially black women, like there was like, there’s like a whole bunch of research on it, like the things that they did to black women, how they were sexualized, and how it truly like transcends into today of like, how black women’s bodies are looked at. And so, yeah, it’s just it’s so many layers, but I’m so glad that you just shared so many good points of like, what we can do to just better accept and love ourselves and love who we are and love also to what we don’t have like, it’s okay. And it is

Carly Someplace
it is okay. And I think so one of the most like tips, like easy tips is like, if you start consciously spending a lot of time complimenting others, you’ll really start reflecting on why you wouldn’t be saying those things to yourself. And like, because, like, we’ll get into this headspace where we’re like, Yeah, but I mean, she’s amazing. And it’s like, but it’s like, but so are you and so am I and so that’s where even that like neutrality comes in that it’s like, okay, we’re both just human, and like, and, but complementing others and creating like that language that’s constantly in your head. If you’re telling people positive things about themselves. At some point, we’ll come back to you. One compliments are generally reciprocated to like those, like just having that language in your head and that you’re prepared specifically, okay, like within the sphere of like other women to tell other women you look fucking great today, like, one that’s gonna make their day two. It’s gonna make your day because you made their day and three, then you’re gonna be like, God, compliments like, this are great. And like, you’ll start having this like language that just gets into your brain that slowly replaces negativity with either neutrality or positivity. And it’s, it’s super important. And that’s like, and I think that the biggest thing is people are like, Well, what about like, if I like snap judgment? People? Like, what? I’m a bad person, because like, I judge somebody, like, based on what they’re wearing. Cool. Do that. And then reframe that thought and move forward. Like there are a lot of times that I will see somebody like that driving and people are walking on the sidewalk. I’ll be like, oh, what you’re wearing? And then I’m like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Right, wear whatever you want. If you feel empowered, good for you. And it’s not. It’s not that we can’t have that first thought we can have the first thought it’s how you frame it into the second thought, that’s really the important part. You’re like, don’t don’t think that body positivity means you just like cut out all those thoughts, because they’ve been bred into us. Honestly, they have been, like, ingrained into our brain from that, like, I watched um, I mean, I don’t watch TV with commercials very often anymore, but like occasionally when I do I was like visiting my grandparents and normal TV. And I was like, God commercials are so toxic, so toxic sick and I was like, This is what you’re fed your whole life, your whole life. And it’s crazy. And I’m like, and now like, I just like hear these things. And I’m like, This is so incredibly toxic and just terrible. And I want nothing to do with it and like, so when you cut things like that out and you start replacing it with different thoughts and different voices that it becomes that you recognize how toxic it is, and and it really is, you can still have that thought you can have that self judgment, as long as you recognize that it is a judgment and that you can move forward and make a different opinion, based on what you actually feel instead of what you were taught to feel.

Akua Konadu
Okay, thank you for that. Because I’m hella guilty.

Carly Someplace
We all are we all

Akua Konadu
because I’ll be like, and I literally will say this, Mike, what in the hell is this person wearing? A cooler? It’s not your business mind the business that pays you girl. Go back and focus on me. But then I’m like, I’m going to hell.

Carly Someplace
Like if if that’s the thing is that like, honestly, like, we all do it, we all do it. Um, even me like, again, I’m like, most body positive person that a lot of people know, and I still do it. I will literally be like, What is this? What are you wearing? And then I’ll be like, you know, what? If they’re happy if they’re comfortable, good for them. Good for you, boo you do you think that is? And I think that that’s like, I It’s such an overused phrase, but I love it so much like you do you is such a like, okay, recognizing that, like, I don’t have the thoughts and control over other people and that they’re going to do it for themselves. And if they’re doing something that makes them happy, who might if I can judge them? Nobody, nobody? Nobody to judge them. So like, yeah, and it really is like, go ahead, have those quick judgments. It’s totally fine. But it’s recognizing that that’s not a healthy way to think. And like it’d be like, I’m going to Hell, no. You’re, you’ve been taught that that is what we should think and that anybody outside of these specific parameters is, is to be judged. And that’s what we’ve been brainwashed into. And opening your eyes to being like, that is an interesting outfit. And being able to be like good for her like that is it changes and even for me, even that’s an interesting outfit from what the hell is she wearing? Those are like, that’s the progression. So now we’ll be like, That’s interesting. Like, I’ve just changed my brain to say that’s interesting, instead of that’s bad. And even in that step, it’s just taking, and that’ll be like, good for them, like, good for whomever is wearing these things. If it makes them happy, it makes them happy and that it doesn’t affect me in any way, shape, or form.

Akua Konadu
Carly girl, I could talk to you for hours, Tommy because this is this has been so good. And I’m just glad that we were able to have this conversation because number one, too, it lets me know that I’m not alone. And I hope to if you’re listening, it lets you know that you are not alone. Like a lot of these internal struggles that we have with our bodies, all of us. Every single one of us is going through it doesn’t matter. Your journey or how you grew up your background. I think all of us this is something that we struggle with. So I am just so thankful for your transparency, your honesty, your realness, your rawness. Like this has just been so good. So for our audience, where can people find you to further connect with you?

Carly Someplace
Yeah, so um, I have I have for Instagram because I’m a crazy person.

Akua Konadu
I love it. Um,

Carly Someplace
so I have my primary one for photography is someplace images, my primary one for myself, and I don’t want to be like my preachy moments of like, listen to your body and do all the things is at Carly’s place. Um, and then I have one for my own pot podcast, which is someplace for everybody. And my last one, which ties into all of this is I am a co author of a self love journal, and that is at imperfect journal. And so that was just released a couple weeks ago, which is really cool. And is like goes through a lot of those like really deep hard questions for a sense of self. It’s like a deeper dive into a sense of self and all of these different movements and it deals with so many things food weight due on a scale like all of this other stuff. So that one that was a very interesting journey to create, but it’s super cool. So those are where you can generally find me and if you are a woman or identify as a woman, or are non binary, essentially not like a sis man. I have a Facebook group that is called someplace boudoir and glamour. It’s generally my like client group, but it’s a group of over 10,000 women or women ish, non diner babes who you know, feel comfortable with the feminists. That is it is pretty much just a very uplifting community of you Usually I share my work there. But it is also just this community where babes are coming to discuss womanhood feminism, just all of these different ideals, get feedback, but also just like exist. I have, I mean, a lot of posts or people being like, I wore my first bikini at the age of 70 today, and I’m like, yeah, yeah. breaking down some of that stuff, discussing bodies. My one of my big roles in there is that we don’t allow weights and we don’t allow before and afters because we don’t believe that there’s a good way to have a body so before isn’t better and after isn’t better. You just exist. So. Yeah, so that’s, that’s a big community that I run. Like I said about 10,000 ish people. Yeah.

Akua Konadu
That is amazing. Amazing. And y’all. Yes, y’all please connect with Carly listen to her podcast, join her Facebook group, because what you’re doing is just so important. And I think more of us need that you don’t need that support. And it has been wonderful. It’s such a joy having you on the podcast.

Carly Someplace
So thank you. I’m so incredibly happy to be here. It’s been fantastic.

Akua Konadu
Yes, absolutely. And thank you all so much for listening. And until next time. Thank you so much for tuning in to here’s the tea with Akua. If you are loving the podcast, I’d be so honored if you go ahead and hit that subscribe button on your favorite podcast player and leave me a review. This helps grow the podcast so more people can be impacted by the story shared by powerful guests like in today’s episode. Until next time, go make uncomfortable conversations a little more comfortable.

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