Boundaries are so valuable to our mental health and even our relationships, but it can be hard to approach and set them. In today’s episode, Ashley Beaudin joins us to share how we can overcome fears in setting healthy boundaries through compassion with ourselves and others. Listen in as she explains why you need boundaries, having the awareness of knowing when to set them, and how to establish those boundaries.
This is Season 2 Episode 1 of Here’s the Tea with Akua
Here’s the Tea with Akua is a safe space to learn about hot topics, gain a new perspective and have a greater understanding of the people around us. You’ll hear amazing stories of everyday people like you and me. They’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. As we discuss topics such as race, relationships, mental health, and how to just figure out the thing called life, we’d love to have you subscribe on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or your favorite podcast player!
Important Parts of the Conversation:
Get to Know Ashley (1:49)
Ashley’s Experience with Boundaries (4:12)
Setting Boundaries Compassionately (6:53)
The Purpose of Boundaries (10:25)
Learning to Set Boundaries (11:48)
Knowing When You Need Boundaries (17:07)
Exercise for Grounding (20:25)
Boundaries with Yourself vs Others (22:07)
Steps to Setting Boundaries with Yourself (25:04)
Setting Boundaries with Others (26:20)
Self-Awareness in Boundaries (34:15)
Connect with Ashley:
Mentioned in this Episode:
Review the Transcript:
Akua Konadu
Welcome to here’s the tea with akua. That’s me. And this is a place where we have candid conversations about various hot topics. Each week, you’ll be hearing some amazing stories of everyday people like you and me, there’ll be spilling the tea and giving us an honest look into their lives. I believe that our stories are powerful. And when shared, they can change not only our perspectives, but also our lives. No topic is off limits. So have a seat and get ready because we are going to be making uncomfortable conversations comfortable. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the latest episode of here’s the T with a q&a. And I’m really looking forward to this conversation today. Because I think it’s something that we all can always truly benefit from something that we can always implement, and just work on it consistently in all areas of our life. And so today, we are going to be talking about boundaries, and how we can really be implementing that and really just honoring ourselves and who we are. So I am really excited to for today’s guests to have Ashley Bowden on with us today. And she’s absolutely fantastic, beautiful, amazing person. I think like I remember when I first met you actually, like I just felt so safe. Like you just are such a gentle, warm, kind spirit. And so I’m so excited for our listeners to be able to experience that today. So Hello, Ashley, how are you?
Ashley Beaudin
I’m good. Thanks so much for having me.
Akua Konadu
Yes, of course, I am just so grateful for you to be here. And for us to be able to talk about boundaries today. So for our listeners, just share, introduce yourself, share with us who you are and what you do and how you show up in the world. Yeah.
Ashley Beaudin
So like you mentioned, my name is Ashley, and I am a coach, I help people specifically entrepreneurs, heal their self sabotage, and create gentle businesses, businesses that they can feel safe inside of. And I’ve been a been an entrepreneur for a long time, seven years, seven, eight years. And I am really passionate about healing. I’m passionate about creating spaces where people can feel safe. And access what that means for them are also random things I’m really passionate about. One of my favorite questions to ask people lately has been what if something totally unrelated to work that you could talk about forever? It also I’ll tell you her mind. So mine would be donuts? Like local history. Love that. Like what? Like if you’re like drinking Coke. Where’s it best fountain bottle? Can you?
Akua Konadu
fountain for sure. You want to know what let me tell you. First of all, you had me at doughnuts so there’s that?
Ashley Beaudin
Clearly I eat healthy. Yeah.
Akua Konadu
You’re just living your best life. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just saying y’all coke from Okay, first of all, I don’t have McDonald’s that often. It’s pretty rare. But their beverages like their high sea orange and like their coke from the FAO. It’s just Chris like, there’s just not there’s no right? Or good. It just hits different. I’m like, Oh, I’ve been slipping on McDonald’s. Like it’s Yeah. So
Ashley Beaudin
like, literally in every country like I’ve been to McDonald’s in the Philippines, Malaysia Turkey. And it’s like I can trust Coca Cola.
Akua Konadu
Oh my gosh, I love that. And I just love that you shared those, like really fun facts about yourself. See, y’all she’s just the best. So I’m super, super excited to dive in with this topic. And so, share with us a little bit about your story. And I guess just your journey with boundaries. Like are there areas in your life where you have really struggled with boundaries? Or like, did you even really know what boundaries are? So sorry, I just asked you multiple questions, but we’ll just start like with your story. So yeah,
Ashley Beaudin
jump into it. So I definitely did not have an understanding of boundaries. Growing up. I was not taught boundaries. My parents had horrible boundaries did not respect space did not respect in like there you have like touch or conversation topics etc. And I think when you when you grow up in situations like that, in a lot of situations, whatever your like early experiences are, that’s what you kind of see as truth. You kind of see that as reality. And it’s not until you leave those spaces that you’re like, Oh, that’s not how it is for everyone else. Like that’s what how I thought everyone else lived. So I wasn’t introduced to the idea boundaries till way later. And because of that, it took me a long time to figure out how to do it. Where I needed them. What What could that look like? And I think at first, when, you know, I was like, I think this might be an area that I need more boundaries, I would more swing to that to an extreme of, of harshness of like a unity, stop doing this, what’s wrong with you? Or if it was like, with other people, I would just like, cut them out, push them away. It was like, yeah, one chance, screwed up that one chance, like we’re not through yet again. I would say for me, I mostly struggled with boundaries with self more than boundaries with others. And in some ways, I would say in my earlier years, it was more people setting boundaries with me. Okay. And, and so, you know, kind of holding that duality of those experiences, because it can be empowering to set boundaries, it can be hard to set boundaries, can also be really hard when someone sets a boundary with you. And I think that’s an aside, that we don’t talk about that often. Like, there’s all these like Instagram graphics of like set boundaries, only keep people in your life that make you feel good. But what about when you’re the person that makes you feel good?
Akua Konadu
That person that part? Like, I don’t think that’s ever talked about enough, which I love that you brought that up of like, we don’t ever think about the impact that we’re having when we set the boundary? Or like how that person, you know, reacts or whatever. But then I always try to remind myself like, I’m not responsible for that. I don’t know if that’s the best way to look at it. But anyway, sorry, continue.
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, no, totally. Well, and I think too, like, there can be compassionate ways of turning boundaries. And there can be more harsh ways. And so depending on the experience, or someone setting boundaries with you, and their approach that could make it to be like, a more painful situation, or a more healing situation.
Akua Konadu
I love that you shared that too, because I yeah, like you felt that you said compassionate boundary, like how to set it compassionately. Because I get very agitated very quickly when my boundaries are crossed. And I get like mad where I’m like, well, thanks for putting me in this position. Now I have to sit here and advocate for myself, which I didn’t want to do, because it makes me uncomfortable, right, like, so that’s like, the reason why I would get mad is because I’m like, I didn’t want to have to address this issue. And now that I do, so thanks for putting me here. And that’s on you. Right? Like, and it that’s, that was something I had to really like deconstruct for myself of like, okay, that’s just not, there’s nothing wrong at all with you advocating for yourself, and you can do it, especially if it’s not in a way that’s harming your safety or anything like that, like doing it in a way that is healthy and very kind and compassionate towards the other person. Because it is, it’s not easy to be able to implement, like when that person is received the one that has to now follow this boundary. That’s a very hard thing to do. And so for you, like when those boundaries were set, like even from that angle, what was your experience, like growing up since you said it, like started with boundaries being implemented with you?
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, I think because I didn’t have an understanding of what boundaries were and their purpose. It would often read to me as rejection. And and I think too, I would say honestly, most people don’t know how to set boundaries compassionately. Yeah. And so then it’s even like an easier opportunity for you to just feel like rejection. And that has been like a big childhood wound for me. And so it would sort of like lead me into this place of like, I’m breaking down that sucks. Oh, sad. And I hate sitting with this experience and these feelings. But I think as I’ve grown wiser, I have realized that there is a lot more to boundaries, there’s a lot more love in them than what I previously thought. And that went to the point now that when they’re done well, when they’re communicated compassionately to me, I actually feel more love.
Akua Konadu
That’s really good. That’s, yeah, and I love that because I think we forget that when we’re setting boundaries, that it’s not just about, you know, obviously the importance of those boundaries honored, but also to like this is a way for your relationship to be rainton to be deepened. And that’s all relationships and like even including with yourself, when you implement boundaries with yourself, it’s a really, really great way to really honor yourself and who you are when you are implementing boundaries in all areas of your life. And so as you now have a much healthier view on boundaries, like what’s your definition of it today?
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, I would say that the way that I would define it is, boundaries help me to choose and so either help protect, connection, connection with myself, connection with others connection that feels important to me. Or they helped me keep things that really matter to me a priority in my life. I think those are kind of one is kind of speaking to more relational boundaries. And the other ones kind of speaking more to boundaries, say around your time, or, you know, what you’re working on? Or what kind of hobbies are you making time for whatever. But yeah, protecting connection and keeping what matters to you? What priority?
Akua Konadu
Yeah, oh, I love that. And I think it’s, and so I just, I guess, for me growing up, because similar to you, like, I didn’t know, what boundaries were like, at all. And I didn’t, yeah, it was definitely not implemented into my household. And so even with boundaries of self, that’s something that I struggle with more actually, I struggle with both of them implementing boundaries with others, but especially, I haven’t realized that I’m having a harder time implementing boundaries with myself. And so one thing I wanted to ask is, why is it so hard for us to implement boundaries in our own life?
Ashley Beaudin
Mm hmm. Well, I think it’s especially hard if you didn’t learn to do it. Yeah, in the younger age, because I’ve definitely met people who, it almost would seem so much simpler. Like, I remember having a conversation with someone. And that was incredibly frustrating for me at the time, because it was actually going about going to sleep at a certain time. And I really struggle with, you know, falling asleep, like getting to sleep, putting myself to bed. I don’t know if you’ve heard that term of like, bedtime, procrastination, of like, I’m in 10 minutes, 10 more. And she like she was I found it kind of harsh. But she mentioned to me and she was like, I don’t understand why this problem, like just do it. Because it’s not that easy. Easy, you gain first. If you’re someone who like didn’t, don’t have the tools or understanding or support for to just be like, I’m feeling this boundary with myself, I’m going to bed at 10pm at night, it’s not so easy to just come up to me and say, well just do it. Yeah, and where’s the compassion in that there’s not a lot of grace or space in that in. So I’ve definitely noticed that people who cut come from at least a little bit, not perfect homes, but healthier homes. Yeah. Where they had, especially parents who were more emotionally regulated, they, it’s a lot easier for them. And so I think that’s hard, because then it’s like, if it’s harder for you to set boundaries with yourself, you have to acknowledge that you were not given things that you really should have gotten. And that can, you know, obviously bring up grief that could bring up a lot of fields. But I think it’s important to acknowledge, also just in the way of like, it makes sense that it will be hard for you. It makes sense that it would be harder for you because you didn’t learn how to do it. You learned a way later in life, you’re still learning it. And I find by like just reflecting that to myself. It brings me into the sense of spaciousness of like I like it’s less of like I need to get it together. And it’s more of like, I acknowledge that this is hard for me. And so how can I be with myself in this process of learning how to set boundaries with me?
Akua Konadu
That was so good. Like I literally when you said that, even as you’re processing as to why it might be difficult to implement boundaries in your own life. You might have to accept that you didn’t receive certain things as a child that’s a hard pill to swallow when you like. It’s it’s not easy at all to accept that your childhood wasn’t the way that you had wanted it to be or maybe it necessarily wasn’t the healthiest. But something that I’m learning right now because I’m reading this book called homecoming and which has been a lot easier for me to start implementing boundaries in my own life and work more, work a lot more with that is that she says, I think it’s Dr. FEMA, FEMA, I’m not sure if I said her name correctly. So my apologies. But she says, Give yourself the gift of honesty. Honesty is a gift. And that absolutely, like changed the way that I view everything. Like, even if it’s a hard truth, you need to be able to know the truth so that you can really take it, process it and move forward in a way that is super healthy and aligned with you. And so that for me, like similar to your point of what you said, like, I am truly right now going back and processing events in my past from childhood to obviously now at 33, processing everything where I’m like, Okay, this is the reality of the situation, like I will literally write it down. Like this is the reality like, and you do it in a way where like, you take the emotion out of it, because when you take the emotion out of it, like you can really understand it from our perspective, whether it’s good or bad, you’re like, good or bad. This is what the situation is. And there’s nothing I can do about it. But this is how then I’m going to be able to move forward. So I love that you said that and yeah, honesty, with yourself, especially and others, it’s truly a gift, whether it’s hard or, or not. And so how do you know? Like, what areas in your life where you need to be setting boundaries, because there’s so many like, We hear this all the time to his entrepreneur is like, yeah, set boundaries, set boundaries with your clients, set boundaries with yourself. And it really isn’t easy to do when people say just do it. I want to be like, well, you frickin do? Yeah, you know what I need? Because it’s not like, I feel like there’s a lot like, whenever I have to implement boundaries, I feel a lot of shame and guilt. When I do it. Like, a lot, I feel very afraid that this person is going to be upset with me. They’re not, they’re no longer going to like me. And so that’s even stuff that I’m working through right now. But I wanted to ask like, how do you know what areas in your life like need boundaries?
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, I mean, a classic way. And this is probably one way that a lot of people are familiar with is any area that you feel like resentment or bitterness is probably an area where there needs to be more boundary. I feel like that’s probably one of the easiest ways to tell in terms of boundaries with others. I remember this being I think, for me when more in business. I can I see this show up sometimes for entrepreneurs where they over give, yes, that’s gonna give away so much for free, and then they get so pissed when someone doesn’t buy their product. Mm hmm. Which would be
Akua Konadu
yes, we’ve all been there.
Ashley Beaudin
And that lets us know that that there needs to be boundaries around how much you’re giving away for free. Yeah. And how are you being paid for your time? So I feel like that’s good example. I think it can also really show up in family of like, I don’t know, Mom, my mom is always sending their kid money, because they’re like, they never seem to have enough. But then she started to resent the kid. Yeah. Because whatever. But it’s really that she needs to be setting the boundary. And when they get asked her money saying no.
Akua Konadu
Yeah. When you said families, it actually just made me think of this. Do you have siblings? Yeah. Okay. So, like now that my siblings and I were all adults, when we are together, like when we’re on our own, like without hanging out with my mom and stuff, like, we’re pretty like chill and you know, do our thing or whatever. But all of a sudden, when we get with our mom, like and this is no shade towards my mom, I forget love or we love our rom so but it’s just weird. Like when we get with our mom, all of a sudden the dynamics we were kids all of a sudden come back. Yes. And so all of a sudden, it’s like all these the work that I did and all it just goes out the window and it sits on my hand like my little sister. She’s six years younger than me. I’m 33 She’s 27 I mean, she literally is an adult, but for some odd reason. There’s still sometimes like when we get into this family dynamic, like when I’m with my family, I will treat her as if she’s a little kid. And I have realized like her she’s actually like setting boundaries with me, which I appreciate. I don’t I don’t get mad about it because I’m like, You’re right. Like you’re not the same little kid that I know like you’re 27 you’re engaged you’re gonna be getting married, you know, like you are an adult. Yeah, you pay bills like you know stuff like that. Like it’s just kind of interesting. Even with family how hard it is to like set boundaries because then I found myself getting very like exhausted. And so that’s when I realized like okay, I’m okay with her setting this boundary because
Ashley Beaudin
right Yeah, I think that brings up an interesting point too around like, specifically, I think when it comes to family boundaries, really remembering and continuously reminding yourself that you’re an adult, your parents are adults, your siblings are adults. Because you’re right. And that sometimes when we get back into those familial dynamics, it’s like, we’re suddenly triggered back into this childhood state. And I think there has a lot to do with that around like the inner child, etc. So just having that reminder, one of my favorite ways to remind myself that I’m an adult, specifically, is putting something I mean, it’s kind of weird, but putting something in my hands holding something in my hands that I would never have as a child. So like, keys to my apartment, car. Like, even like a bill
Akua Konadu
that will quickly remind you
Ashley Beaudin
it’s like a weird way, like grounds you it’s like this physical, tangible reminder that you can hold in your hands that like, I am a grown woman.
Akua Konadu
Yeah. Well, that’s not weird at all. I think that’s brilliant. And that is a really good grounding practice. But I think obviously, even that, like grabbing certain things, I think that could be applied in so many areas of our lives, just with boundaries of like, even with like relationships, if you have a significant other or you know, you’re married, like those are like really great, like finding really good grounding practices to bring you back to the present. And remind you, okay, of like, who you are, and what it is that you need in order to feel back to, like copacetic, or back to feeling safe with your boundaries. So I love that. And I think a lot of things that people struggle with, like I said, including myself, is people struggle with setting boundaries with themselves. And with others, I guess, what’s the really big difference between the two? Would you say?
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, I think the one I mean, obviously, the clear one is one is. With you, I think that the cues are different. So normally, like I was describing, like, resentment can be common more in the relational, but people won’t normally present themselves. I wouldn’t say that’s a common trigger or whatever. But I think what can show up more with self is like, areas where you are really stressed. Yeah. And there’s no one else involved like so for example, like, get this was a big one. For me. This was like fresh off the press, not saving for taxes. And then it’s so stressful, then you have to like file taxes, you owe so much money, how are you going to find the money? That all comes down to? I did have boundaries with myself in my financial spreading throughout the year? Yes. Or I’ll give the bedtime example. So you’re always You’re always like tired. You feel rundown, you feel always like on the edge of burnout. And it’s stressing you out stressing you out that you can’t get enough sleep or others can distracts you up more, because you’re not getting them asleep, then that lets us know that maybe there needs to be boundaries put in place around the time you’re going to bed or bringing in electronics into the room or, or whatever starting to explore different ideas when I think anywhere where you’re feeling stressed and you’re yearning for more support and care instead, that’s a place that you could potentially set boundary with. So
Akua Konadu
yeah, I think it just even being like setting boundaries for yourself. You just have to have a lot more self awareness. So I think even to it takes slowing down because I didn’t realize that just even being an entrepreneur and dessert some of the things that you said but the toll taxes thing. I think so many of us have struggled with that piece. We’re like, putting all that money away for the IRS that are gonna come in and get you. Yeah, that’s definitely like super stressful. And I personally to have struggled with that as well. And I think as well like it just cuz sometimes there’s been times where like, I don’t even realize I needed that boundary in my life. Until I actually slow down and realized Yeah, oh, this isn’t okay, like I need to figure this out. So it’s just all of a sudden now when I have that space, and the time to really process and check in with myself about where I’m at like, Am I happy with my relationships? Am I happy with where I’m at with myself? My business my friends family, like Am I happy with these relationships and checking in with yourself and then like, that’s when I’ve realized like, Okay, I need to work on certain boundaries in certain areas. So for so for you then what I guess so now when it comes to really setting those boundaries, like what’s important to think about when setting and what are some actionable and tangible things that we can do to to really just start setting boundaries within ourselves.
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, well, so I think I would really focus on the compassion piece. So first, I would say in every boundary, we’re ultimately talking about, in some ways meeting a need, internally or externally. So like, I mean, it’d be like a million things. And, and I think first having compassion on the need. I mean, I think that the idea of having needs is a whole other bucket of worms, the shaming, neediness of feeling disconnected from our needs of not knowing what we need, not knowing how to ask for what we need. But boundaries, I would say is really about protecting what you need, making sure that you’re getting it. And that can be a vulnerable process. And so having compassion on that. And again, kind of what I had shared about, if it brings things up for you, they didn’t learn are things you didn’t get. Step one, step two.
Akua Konadu
Step one, check.
Ashley Beaudin
Yes. So I think it depends whether we’re looking at relational boundaries, or we’re looking at self boundaries. I think both Yeah, both definitely, for sure. Relational boundaries, I think you’re gonna need to look at how to communicate compassionately. And so for example, that I would say, almost when you’re communicating your boundary, really like emphasizing your commitment, or your care or your love for the other person. So more like, because I really value this relationship. Because I want our time together to be like quality time or valuable time. Because I really care for you and your, your well being. It’s important for me to set this boundary versus just coming in cold and saying, don’t text me. Are whatever. It’s so hard for me to sound cold. Yeah, really like that is care for the person in front of you. And that is care for you. I think that if you if we really didn’t care about someone, why would we even set the boundary anyway? Oh, yeah, that’s a good point. Yeah, we’ve Axia. And obviously, the true like the people that you’re going to set the boundaries with the most aren’t going to be people that you’re more intimate with. Now that interests you, it could be like really close, or it could be like a good friend, it could be a long term client, etc. Then when you’re looking at setting boundaries with yourself taking that same approach, but you like partnering it with self compassion. And really sort of framing it like whether that’s based on your needs, like you’re worthy of having your needs met, you’re worthy of having good sleep, you’re worthy of having food in your fridge, you’re worthy of being able to pay your bills, some of those very basic needs, but a lot of boundaries yourself can come up in those basic needs. Or saying like, I really value the relationship I have with myself. I want this to be a safe place. I want self connection to feel like a supportive place. And a lot of people I think in different parts of our journeys we resonate with times where we did love ourselves, where we didn’t trust ourselves where we self betrayed or self abandoned and so what what are like powerful practice for be able to sit with yourself and say, I value myself so much I value listening and honoring and seeing me so that’s why this boundary is so important. So I think that’s the a couple pieces I would give on that. I think when because you know you’re gonna have experiences where people don’t respond well or they’re not into it with and, you know, there’s the whole thing of like, well, if someone’s not respecting your boundaries, should they really be there in the first place? Which I do agree to an extent like someone’s really pushing back. That’s probably a sign that there may be someone that you don’t want to have in your life. But sometimes there’s gonna be people in your life that you’re gonna have to stay with for a greater commitment or because they’re related or because you’re the or a co worker and you work with them? Or because they’re your boss, they’re the I don’t know. So many, the government
Akua Konadu
you’re absolutely right.
Ashley Beaudin
And so how can you? How can you work within that in a way that still makes you feel safe, while also continuing to speak to it? And I think that could look a lot of different ways. Sometimes it could be literally just continuously repeating the boundary, someone’s going to be saying, I see you not respecting my boundary. Why? Like, why is that happening? And sometimes it’s like, if you continue to not, then whatever, then
Akua Konadu
you gotta go.
Ashley Beaudin
Like, I need a break, or Yeah, whichever. And that can be the hardest part, I think we’re really holding on to that, I would say, in my personal experience, 99% of the time, people will respect the boundary, I say, more now than ever. You know, I’d say, like, when we were kids, like, people weren’t talking about it, like they weren’t being like, what’s your boundary on this. So more now than ever, it’s more accepted as like, this is where my boundaries lie. And I like do this with my mom all the time, I find that if I say to my mom, I’m setting a boundary. It’s like, suddenly, it’s like, I could say it in another way. And you didn’t respect it. But if you say, this is a boundary of any pure, okay, got it. Which I know not everyone has that. But it’s, I think it just speaks to like, the more there’s just a lot more familiarity and acceptance around mental health boundaries, and obviously, still work to be done. But, but I just want to say that because I feel like we’ll get scared to set boundaries, because I think it’ll go bad, when really like, 99% of time, it’s supposed
Akua Konadu
to go bad. That is very true. Extremely true. And I think, because I definitely one of those people that would feel a lot of weight and guilt for implementing boundaries. And what I would do with other people, people were like, okay, and I’d be like, Oh, my gosh, but it was still very, very uncomfortable, like, Oh, my God, well, anytime that I could avoid having to set it, I would, but now, you know, especially when you got into the piece of like, self betrayal, like not honoring ourselves, that’s something like recently for me, like the season that I just got out of it was I had to walk away from a relationship because my boundaries were not being honored. And I, and because I and also too, they weren’t being honored with the person, but also I wasn’t honoring my own boundaries, like with myself as well. And so it was it was both areas. And so just even hearing a lot of these tangible tips, and like, just how important communication is with yourself and the other person, but even to yourself, like I am worthy of, you know, being well rested, I am worthy of being loved, I am worthy, I am enough, you know, it’s like I’m worthy of food, like having food in the fridge. Like those types of things. It’s to us, like, you know, these are everyday things, but it’s really surprising how many of us like we’ll skip lunch, you know, because we’re so deep in our work, or, you know, we’ll let certain things and relationships slide because it’s, it’s like a minor thing, but they still they didn’t honor your boundary, right. So like, it’s again, like really just pushes into the point of how important communication is with ourselves and other people. And so, I absolutely love that. And so, and I also just like loved what you shared to just Well, number one, it just boundaries just sound like it’s, it’s a lifelong practice, like, obviously, you’ve had to learn and so like, if anybody listening, like if you’re struggling with boundaries, just have grace for yourself and know that it’s not this linear path, it’s a lot of ups and downs. And sometimes, you know, 20 steps forward and 10 steps back, and that is a okay, but just realizing like that you are human, and that you are worthy, though, of having your needs met. So I absolutely loved everything that you shared. And so I just wanted to ask, is there anything else that you would like to share in regards to boundaries for?
Ashley Beaudin
Yeah, well, I think based on what you just said, like, I think it’s really important that whenever you’re creating boundaries, that it’s coming from a place of self awareness, self honesty, self compassion, versus I should have a boundary here. Or like I downloaded a PDF and send it to all boundaries have in your business are called boundaries and with your friends. Like, at the end of the day, you really need to know for you why the boundary is important to you, and what it will do for you or offer you or offer the other person. And so I think that’s really important to remember that boundaries come from self reflection more than boundaries come from someone else’s advice, which I’m always going to veer people towards that of like, let everything be led by self connection. And so I would say that for sure. And then I think just also acknowledging that boundaries can be a really vulnerable process. I think they can be vulnerable, even in the self inquiry of what’s hurt, like, what’s hurting me? What do I need here that I’m not getting? Where do I feel unsupported or uncared for? Where do I feel not provided for or not met, to be vulnerable to have that kind of inquiry. And it can be even more vulnerable to you ask for it to set boundaries to make sure that you get those things to make sure that those places in you are being cared for, and in a relationship or with yourself. And, and I think that, like a lot of things that social media can be, can simplify very complicated and nuanced and emotional things. And so to give, like you said, to give a lot of gracious space, and just acknowledge this is vulnerable. And this is maybe something I don’t yet feel safe doing. And I’m learning to feel safe, inside of. And so what do I need, as well? What do I need to help me set amazing boundaries. And that, you know, that could look like I don’t know, like talking it out with someone, it couldn’t really be paying attention to you, when you get irritated, or when you start to feel sad, or when you want to run away from a relationship. It could be like, if I when I’m putting a boundary, I need to have a blanket on my lap. You know, whatever it is, I are like, I will feel safe setting boundaries in the afternoon. But I won’t be feel safe doing it at night. For whatever reason. How can you be with yourself in that process, I think is important when we acknowledge that it can be very vulnerable.
Akua Konadu
I love that. Just so many good things to take into account. And just and remember, I think it’s to your point, just how heavily boundaries are tied into really that self reflection, and really just knowing you and you have to take the time to be able to do that. So this conversation has been absolutely wonderful. I am just so thankful to have you on the show, Ashley. So for our listeners, where can people find you
Ashley Beaudin
so you can find me? ashleybeaudin.com or on instagram at ashley.beaudin.
Akua Konadu
Her Instagram content is absolutely amazing. And it’s truly all about really honoring yourself and being gentle and kind and compassionate with yourself and others. So your content is always just very refreshing. Like I always love seeing it because it’s it’s just such a great reminder to stop and slow down and really check in with yourself and see what you need. So y’all definitely connect with Ashley and Ashley again. Thank you so much for being on the show. This was absolutely wonderful. loved having you. Thanks for having me. Yeah, absolutely. And if you’re listening, thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time. Thank you so much for tuning into here’s the tea with Akua. If you are loving the podcast, I’d be so honored if you go ahead and hit that subscribe button on your favorite podcast player and leave me a review. This helps grow the podcast so more people can be impacted by the story shared by powerful guests like in today’s episode. Until next time, go make uncomfortable conversations a little more comfortable.
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